The difference between “kid friendly” and “toddler friendly”

I’m doing research for our next trip—arguably, to one of the most family-friendly cruise ships on the planet—but, I’m worried. (The title of my future memoir, perhaps.)

You see, a hotel, cruise ship, or destination can be considered very family friendly, but what they often mean is that it’s great for elementary school kids, not toddlers or babies. We once lived in a wonderful property…but the kids club was only available for toilet trained children, and we were very far from that at that point. So the big attraction of this property (the epic kids’ club) was off-limits to our one year old.

Now my toddler is old enough to join the kids club. I really want to go back to this resort in MV to get a real review, because we really had a great time.

Or the inn we were staying at was, again, considered family friendly. Dinner didn’t start until 6.30pm which was honestly very sad as that was basically bedtime for us. I tearfully begged them to let us take something, anything, at 4pm while their staff was eating and they refused to accommodate us. This was in a remote area designed for hikers/campers, with no restaurants or grocery stores nearby and no kitchen for us to cook in. Every night my toddler eats a cookie and then doesn’t have room for a real dinner, and I’m so angry.

But it’s also smaller: A luxury resort that doesn’t have any sand toys except for purchase; a boutique hotel that ran out of packages so we couldn’t sleep at all; a property that advertises a restaurant on its premises but is actually closed for renovations. We live in one property with a tiny kitchen that keeps all the knives in the bottom drawer, for God’s sake. Guess who found it? 🙃

Honestly, accidents are common and nothing works…but they add the kind of friction that makes a trip a grind, rather than a vacation.

Why do so many places smell like toddlers

The logistical differences between toddler-friendly and child-friendly are so specific that you won’t understand them if you don’t understand them. I don’t blame these places at all for missing the mark. I hope someday I won’t remember how difficult 6pm dinners were for us, or how frustrating it was to not have a bathroom by the pool, or how strict our bedtimes were. (To the parents who can stretch their little ones out to watch the fireworks at 9pm, I’m so jealous. We’re puddles of water then!)

This inconvenience is indeed minor. They don’t really ruin the trip in any way.

The thing is, these things are so important in the flow of our daily lives that when a property fails in these areas, or deems them unimportant—it can make a huge difference in our stay. This adds quite a bit of friction to making it “parenting somewhere else” instead of a “vacation” when I know, and have experienced, places that really allow me as a mom to relax. For example, the cruise we are going on has two different dinner seatings: 5:45pm and 8:45pm. If you can’t get a reservation for the first seat, good luck with the fives!

So. Things that don’t matter much when a child is, say, 6 or 7, matter a lot to a child under 3. Like:

• Does ground transportation provide carseats or do I need to bring one?
• Should I schlep a pack n’ play or is it provided?
• If there is a refrigerator in my room to store breast milk/formula or do I have to call and ask for it?
• Is there a sink available for washing bottles or sippy cups
• What time does breakfast and dinner service start, and how noisy/chaotic is the dining room
• The kids club is actually for toddlers or just children
• How many baby checks should I do when entering a room (can I move furniture, for example?)
• Do I have to ask for more towels
• If there is a place to throw rubbish outside my room for diaper waste so that the whole place doesn’t smell bad
• Room placement to reduce nighttime noise, or do we have to walk through adults-only spaces that are not suitable for small children, such as casinos, to get anywhere
• General accessibility: Can I get a bathtub in my room? Are the doors wide enough for a pram? Do they have working baggage carts and elevators?
• Do they have extra diapers, wipes, swim diapers, etc. in the gift shop?

Ahhh, holy mental load!

And what bothers me is not the inconvenience, because of course travel accidents will happen! Toddlers are going for a walk! However the property claims they are child friendly and they miss out on a lot of kids if you really pay attention to the policies or amenities.

For example, so many properties focus on “extras.” Character meet and greets or story time or ice cream sundaes or “movie nights under the stars.” This is great! I love the special ways the property thinks about kids. But if story time doesn’t start until 8:30pm…they’re not thinking about toddlers. That’s what makes the difference for me in this current phase of my travels, and I wish more places took notice.

Basic amenities that need to be confirmed before your trip

The thing is, if I had known about any of these “problems”3 beforehand, I could have played defense. I’ve packed a million snacks but if we know that dinner doesn’t start until 6pm, we can move our day forward a bit or with lunch to make it easier to get there. Or we often order a veggie plate and a cheese plate from the bar and that’s dinner, then the adults order room service. (This is basically the reason why the slumberpod was invented, which I don’t want to tell you was really a game changer in travel once I finally gave in and bought it.)

Now, I usually confirm after I make a reservation:

• That a pack n’ play will be delivered (if needed) or if they have bed rails to rent/use
• Restaurant hours, and whether the kitchen is closed all day
• Kids club details and how to register (what additional documents or equipment do we need? For example, at the Beach, kids need their own backpacks and everything needs to be labelled, just like the daycare. Big fans of their kids club!)

I also started prioritizing booking completely different room types. I’m a hotel team with a toddler—mainly because the idea of ​​doing dishes on vacation makes me want to melt down—so I tend to try suites or properties with kitchenette setups. It’s much easier if your hotel room has a table you can sit at for coloring/magna tiles/quiet time too.

Let me know anything I missed that makes your life easier and lets you relax faster. I feel like a kid who has more “to do” when you arrive at a property or place before I get that “ahhh, vacation” feeling.

Thank you for being here.

A very instagrammable resort. The closest bathroom to the pool area was further back in our room, making it an interesting place to run while potty training. (Apologies to the lovely park ranger for not making it all the way.)

I guess this is a slightly grumpier post than usual, but that’s mostly because: This is the main reason I started this blog. Traveling with Toddlers was born out of this frustration. It’s a very special little microcosm of how society is designed to make motherhood, and especially mothering young children, difficult.

Is some of this my own family? Of course. Is this part of my own concept of what motherhood is, and the rules/structure I created? Is it because I get a little annoyed at small things? Of course. But that’s also what makes people say “let’s just wait until they grow up.” I hate it! This is my life too.

What I learned is that before I book a property, I really should call around, or look for blogs (hello!) that offer detailed reviews outlining these random but important aspects of travel. To the amazing mothers of toddlers who sailed before us and wrote it all down and/or filmed the smallest details, I salute you.

To pass on all the toddler tips,

Kayla

If you liked this post, please consider supporting my work. I’m just a mom in the toddler years trying to create core memories for our entire family while minimizing the meltdowns—I really hope this helps you do the same.

This post was originally published on Traveling with Toddlers. Subscribe for more real-life travel advice, toddler-friendly itineraries, and tried-and-true gear recommendations.

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